how we found out about Chickpea

Yeppp, Watermelon is due to be a kakak, insyaAllah! Here’s a post I drafted in late June …

The week we found out was a confusing one, because it seemed like my pregnancy symptoms could be explained another way.

For instance, lethargy — I’d stayed up late baking macarons two nights before raya, so I thought the lack of sleep was the reason why I felt so so tired and crashed into bed at 9pm on malam raya.

Queasiness – I first felt queasy on malam raya, after eating the raya dishes that my MIL cooked. There was a little drama when NG discovered limpa in the rendang; apparently not normal by MIL’s standards. NG was horrified, as was my younger SIL, who promptly warned my BIL when he nearly scooped some for himself. I’m okay with limpa, but when I felt queasy after, I couldn’t help but suspect the rendang to be at fault since the siblings were so grossed out by it 😂

The queasiness continued after first day of raya. The thing is, NG also said he felt uneasy on both nights. He even had the runs after first day. So I thought maybe we both ate something that wasn’t right, just that his body had a stronger reaction while I had to sit with the queasy feeling.

But then … the queasiness continued on third day of raya, when I was back at work. And I had a pretty vivid dream the night before (something about me chewing on cockroaches … yeeeeah). And plain water suddenly didn’t taste so good. Things were starting to feel all too familiar …

my failed pregnancy test

So on the night of 7 Jun I went to test for pregnancy. And I dunno how lah, but I screwed up the test! A vertical line appeared quickly in the results window, and this senget faint line also appeared somewhat horizontally. BUT … the control line never appeared, which rendered the test invalid.

At this point the Clearblue FAQ had me covered. I thought I could hear some sarcasm when they advised, after an invalid test, that it would be better for me to pee in a cup before dipping the stick. In case I screw up the simple instructions of holding the stick downwards and wetting it for only 5 seconds … AGAIN.

We bought 2 more sticks that night. I re-tested and … that was when I saw a faint plus sign ☺️

timing & feelings

The thing is, just earlier that week, I had just tendered my resignation (without a job … 😬). Which meant that I was pregnant and soon to be jobless.

$HIT!!!

For some time my worst fear amidst me wanting to switch jobs and me wanting baby no 2 simultaneously was that I might not get paid maternity leave benefits if I don’t secure a new job in time.

But I kinda worked through the fear and told myself it’ll be okay, surely me and NG can figure it out.

And deep down I knew, that even though retracting my resignation was an option, it was not something I wanted to do. That revelation surprised even me — it spoke of how unwilling I was to stay in my job even if it made financial sense. It was really something I couldn’t bear to do, for both my and my team’s sakes.

It’s feels kinda liberating actually, to not be so tied down to money and live in fear that we wouldn’t have enough. I dunno if I’m being foolish, but I’m kinda optimistic that Allah ada, Allah jaga, and that we’re not about to turn destitute insyaAllah.

Other than the mild “ohhhhh did you just screw yourself” feeling I have, I’m overall happy about the pregnancy. Not so thrilled about the nausea, though. I’ve not thrown up yet, but the lingering feeling of nausea sometimes tempts me to vomit in hopes that the uncomfortable feeling will go away.

Yet, when I feel fine, I wonder to myself “omg, I’m still pregnant right??!!??!!” Ahh, as always, the irony 😏

**

InsyaAllah I am about 19 weeks along now, and due in late Jan or early Feb. Almost at the halfway mark! Oddly my EDD is almost the same as Watermelon’s lulz.

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