#throwback to when i first found out …

24 May 2016

I wasn’t planning to test so soon after last week’s negative results, cos i had read online that girls with irregular periods need to wait 1-2 weeks after a missed period before detecting results. (although i should add that when your period is irregular, it’s hard to tell whether your period is late or MIA)

but my convo with two wife-friends convinced me to test soon instead of waiting for the week after. And I, being impatient, ran down to the Watsons near my office and bought me a kit.

Peeing on pregnancy test kits is an expensive hobby, and I’ve always thought that if you want to know what it feels like to pee on money, you just pee on a test kit. it’s like the same.

So here’s a kental story: not wanting to use the Watsons house brand (since wife friends say Clearblue is most reliable), I bought the Clearblue “compact” kit in a bid to save money and avoid hoarding since i still had a kit at home.

in the toilet, I tore off the foil and used it without reading the instructions. how hard can it be right? right. of course! the tip didn’t turn pink, unlike the “full” version. when i was done, i flipped it over and back again but didn’t see any results window. eh? I referred to the box, confused for a moment. it showed a results window. got meh? did I get a defect kit after spending $12??!! then I noticed that the box mentioned a cap. cap?? so I yanked the other end off.

and sorta gasped.

cos two blue lines stared back at me. (o.O)

it felt like a very awkward moment, you know like when you accidentally walk into someone’s room while they’re half naked. I was like omg, omg. and then I was like wooooowwwww. alhamdulillah :’)

based on my last period, the foetus is about 7 weeks along. kinda long/late considering that girls with regular periods tend to find out at the 5/6 week mark.

26 May 2016

did i mention that NG is overseas? out of respect to him, i’ve been keeping this a top secret cos i feel he should be the first to know. and it’s been so lonelyyy not being able to share my excitement with anyone.

at first i wanted to plainly send him a photo of the Two Blue Lines via whatsapp but changed my mind. i wanted to see his face/reaction in person. which may not be much, coz we’ve been trying and discussing this a lot anyways.

this morning i started to feel a little anxious that by the time i get to meet him (3 days from now), booking an appointment with a gynae may be difficult cos we’d be overseas then.

so i called the gynae i had in mind and asked for an appointment. the staff gave me a saturday morning. i’d be in my estimated 9-10th week then. i asked her if i should see a GP and she said yes, i might want to confirm the pregnancy and also get supplements.

i kinda feel bad, like a transgressing wife, for making an appointment with MY choice of gynae wihout discussing with NG. i reasoned to myself that i could cancel the appointment at no cost should he have strong objections about this gynae at this hospital.

27 May 2016

kancheong and paranoid me went to see the GP last night. nice man, but smoother salesman who charges more for appointments after 9.00pm (i walked in at 9.04pm! should not have rata the sambal goreng pengantin that mama kraken sajikan for dinner and instead rushed off asap…) and finds opportunities to upsell vaccines.

anyway, i tested positive alright. yay alhamdulillah. i feel so … normal … that i started to worry what if i’m just imagining the pregnancy. heh. and hope i don’t regret making a big deal out of feeling normal. last night i did feel some fatigue, but i thought to myself that i can’t tell whether it’s fatigue fatigue or me just being lazy and weak. also for the first time ever i was nodding off during a short team meeting in my director’s dimly-lit room. nasib didnt get caught coz there’s only 6 of us in there. haha. but takkan everything also want to blame the pregnancy hor. tak bersalah anak aku.

by the way, my GP bill amounted to $74. gag. i got multivitamins and calcium tablets though (i already have folic acid), so i suppose that’s a perk of visiting a GP even though you already peed on money twice.

6 Jun 2016

many things happened in the last week:

1. broke the news to NG after an arduous 27h travel, i finally reunited with NG in Marrakech. although i was exhausted, i was probably jet lagged and woke up around 4.00am local time. so that was when i told a sleepy NG that i’m pregnant. kesian member got a rude jolt out of his slumber. haha. he later told me that he already kinda suspected, because i usually tell him whenever i get my period (it’s irregular, remember…). so no news = good news. still, he rated it 6 or 7 out of 10 on the shock scale (0 being i knew before you did, 10 being very anjatz) and applauded me for my delivery. bahahaha.

how the conversation went
me: eh did you see on Instagram and Facebook the latest pregnancy announcement?
NG: no… (still half asleep)
me: want to guess?
NG: nooo… whoooo…
me: you guess lah… (irritating)
NG: i dunnooooo
me: it’s me.
*NG jolts out of bed*

2. i used a more cheem/advanced pregnancy calculator which takes into account your average period length. my foetus was ‘downgraded’ from 8 weeks to 6 weeks at point of calculating. i was quite sad when i learnt this cos i’d rather be much closer to the end of my first trimester where the risks of … things not working out … are lower. but anyway, will seek confirmation from the gynae during the first appointment.

3. so then i felt a short episode of depression/anxiety as i worried whether i’ll be able to carry this pregnancy to full term 😦 now i feel better, and i’m trying to stay positive and make lots of dua for a healthy baby. may Allah swt answer my humble prayers, especially in this blessed month of Ramadhan.

4. speaking of which, Ramadhan is here! today is the first day. i’m fasting, although i feel a little weak. luckily i’m on leave … but just today. tomorrow it’s back to the reality of work *groan* i googled online about pregnant women and fasting. there’s mixed opinions on this, as expected. before today, i thought i would fast unless i get morning sickness. now i’m wondering whether i should fast on alternate days. the prospect of paying back is really not enticing, especially because by next Ramadhan, the baby would be 4-5 months insyaAllah. if i’m breastfeeding, then fasting would post a different challenge kan? so we’ll see how. trying to gather my mental strength and resolve to power through fasting. may my body be healthy and strong enough for this.

it’s funny coz sometime back, a friend and i discussed/strategised about how we should plan carefully and avoid having a due date in Ramadhan coz nifas would mean having to pay back for weeeeks of fasting. guess what we didn’t realise is going through first trimester in Ramadhan is a different challenge. tetiaow.

5. the Symptoms *with The Simpsons theme music* i’m discovering what nausea is, and boy it ain’t pleasant. i thought that nausea would always end up in puking, but i’m learning that it can also be a lingering discomfort which is torturous in its own way. so far i’ve only i thrown up once, during the flight home yesterday. bracing myself for more puking episodes in the coming weeks. also i stopped taking calcium pills coz i hate the taste. the turning point was when i could recognise the taste together with my nausea. yuck, i’d rather drink fresh milk than consume it.

trying to rationalise with myself that growing a baby ain’t no ordinary, every day affair so i certainly can’t expect my body to operate business as usual. also change/growth is uncomfortable, yadda yadda.

my sense of smell is also heightening though no funny/odd stories on this yet. and my taste buds seem to tolerate sour things better. NG bought a lemon tart. mama kraken had a bite and her face immediately scrunched up from the sourness. NG thought it was sour too but to me, it was very mild. interesting!

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